In the middle of my campaign for re-election to this post as the Imperator for Great Prolix for a second term, I find myself in a grave situation that I must come forward about in hopes of further rectifying this terrible state of things. Let me begin my tale earlier today, about four hours ago from this time of writing:
So I had just woken up from a nap at my desk in the National Bank office. I was eager to continue overseeing the day's construction of the Cities Project. I pushed my chair back, stood myself upright, and proceeded to exit my office. Through the wooden doorway, I crossed through the National Bank conference room, down the first flight of stairs, and then down the ladder to the ground floor. After fiddling around for the proper key in the proper pocket for a few moments, I finally managed to open the massive vault door to exit the National Bank office. Now, there I stood in the public eye within the public domain. By the time I had actually gotten outside of the National Bank building, I had already signed three autographs, kissed two babies, and hugged exactly one elderly woman for at least 60 seconds. But when I got outside, that is when the terror began to unfold.
I walked briskly, south along the main road out of the National Bank toward the newly-built Democrathenon. But all of a sudden, to this moment I do not know why, I turned my head to the side and was instantly transported away to another land. I was in a small two-bedroom apartment in what appeared to be a strange land called "New Jersey". This land seemed to be far more advanced than our land in terms of technology, transportation, indoor lighting, and of course this land "New Jersey" seems to be far more advanced in the evolution of the Guido creature. Though this should be cause for alarm, I felt like for the moments I was there that I belonged there. It didn't bug me being in a different land. You know what I did while my consciousness was not present in the land of Korth? I sat down with what the elves are now calling a "bong" and used the fire rune to ignite the earth rune to travel through the water rune to inhale the air rune. And the result of this experiment of mad science that I performed so nonchalantly? The result of this experiment was pure and utter happiness of the mind as it drifts from thought to thought.
Eventually, my consciousness was forced back into reality in the land of Korth. And when I woke in the land of Korth, I found myself in the black void of death without the Crown of Prolix. Upon returning to the land of the living, several of my bodyguards instantly surrounded me and rushed me quickly back to the National Bank office conference room. I sat around the conference table with King Orgus Magus of Wiz'orca, a couple Great Prolix intelligence couriers, and the ghost of one former Prolix dignitary whose name is still classified information pending the full investigation of the situation. By this point, I had not mentioned to anyone about the experience I had in the strange land "New Jersey". We only concerned ourselves with the issue of the Crown of Prolix. We had every source available tell us that Stayjit did walk away from my body with the Crown of Prolix. All we know about my killer is that whoever it was used a Long Sword. Stayjit had taken the Crown of Prolix, fled to an unknown distance away at an unknown speed using unknown means of transportation in an unknown direction. As you can tell, the trail was cold. We sat for awhile in the conference room unsure what to actually do to get the crown back with no information about where it is.
Stayjit began sending repeated letters of blackmail to the National Bank asking for salt and/or lumber as ransom for the Crown of Prolix. My team of close advisers and I decided to send our own profane-language-filled-letters back to Stayjit to let him know that basically "We are Great Prolix, We will not pay you to return our property that you stole. You will return the stolen property or face consequences". Stayjit did not move from his position holding the Crown of Prolix as ransom. I take full responsibility for my actions here. I am responsible for making the decision to order these actions.
First, I ordered one of the intelligence couriers to carry out Operation 89401, which makes sure to deliver a poisonous substance to permanently handicap Stayjit's skills in overall vitality, strength, accuracy, defense, and spirit. I am not proud of this decision and I had hoped there would be a way to reverse it if Stayjit peacefully returned the Crown of Prolix. As you can guess, Stayjit refused to peacefully return the crown without payment.
Next, I ordered a controversial government freezing & seizure of his financial assets in both the National Bank of Prolix and the Tir'an Bank. As a fun fact, Stayjit was the man who championed that "MONEY IS EVIL!!!!!!". Let it be known that his net worth between the Prolix and Tir'an banks was 12 million silver pieces. But maybe Stayjit really doesn't care for money, because getting 12 million sp taken away from him did not make him peacefully return the Crown of Prolix.
At this point, we were sitting in that conference room looking down at all the knowledge laid out on the table before us. We all knew what the next order had to be to ensure that Great Prolix was safe from a hostile drow take-over: Stayjit had to be dealt with. I will not lie. This is not the first order for assassination that I, as Imperator, have had to issue, and nor will it be the last. But this order came with a new caveat. Even if Stayjit was successfully removed, there is still the issue of the Crown of Prolix.
My final decision was that the old Crown of Prolix be officially decommissioned as an official object of importance in favor of a new crown or object to be determined by the people. We are going to have a vote on what to replace the Crown of Prolix with. In addition, my order called for the immediate execution of the elf/drow Stayjit Vacca. As per human tradition, we will be hanging the body for a 10-day mourning period from a pole in the streets of the L'Obsul Capital City. We are Great Prolix and we will not be held hostage by anyone. What Stayjit's largest crime was was holding an entire nation hostage. We do not tolerate being held hostage. We will not negotiate for our natural right to be free of undue coercion.
The investigation into exactly who killed me is still ongoing and so is the investigation into this land called "New Jersey".
I will go out on record and say that we believe we know the nation that precipitated this whole situation by killing me while my consciousness ventured elsewhere. We will refrain from taking action against this nation until the investigation digs deeper. But a message to the ragtag group of underdogs trying to restart the drow nation Pylos: Just Stop It.
I am also calling an official contest to find the old Crown of Prolix, which is still hidden somewhere, and return it to its owner the nation of Great Prolix. The winner will receive 23 million sp if they come forward and peacefully return the crown.
Signed,
Imperator Seran Adams for Great Prolix
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